You Know you are addicted to the Internet When...

• Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
• Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.
• You find yourself brainstorming for new subjects to search.
• You refuse to go to a vacation spot with no electricity and no phone lines.
• You finally do take that vacation, but only after buying a cellular modem and a laptop.
• You spend half of the plane trip with your laptop on your lap...and your child in the overhead compartment.
• All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8...ISDN...cable modem...T1...T3.
• You find yourself typing "com" after every period when using a word processor.com
• You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.
• You turn on your intercom when leaving the room so you can hear if new e-mail arrives.
• All of your friends have an @ in their names.
• When looking at a pageful of someone else's links, you notice all of them are already highlighted in purple.
• Your dog has its own home page.
• You've already visited all the links at Yahoo and you're halfway through Lycos.
• You can't call your mother...she doesn't have a modem.
• You realize there is not a sound in the house and you have no idea where your children are.
• You believe nothing looks sexier than a man in boxer shorts illuminated only by a 17" inch svga monitor.
• You check your mail. It says "no new messages." So you check it again.
• You have comandeered your teenager's phone line for the net and even his friends know not to call on his line anymore.
• Your phone bill comes to your doorstep in a box.
• You wake up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom and stop and check your e-mail on the way back to bed.
• You move into a new house and decide to Netscape before you landscape.
• You tell the cab driver you live at
  http://123.elm.street/house/bluetrim.html
• You actually try that 123.elm.street address.
• You tell the kids they can't use the computer because "Mommy's got work to do" and you don't even have a job.
• Your friends no longer send you e-mail...they just log on to your *IRC channel.
• You buy a Captain Kirk chair with a built-in keyboard and mouse.
• Your partner makes a new rule: "The computer cannot come to bed."
• You are so familiar with the WWW that you find the search engines useless.
• You never have to deal with busy signals when calling your ISP...because you never log off.
• You forget what year it is.
• You start tilting your head sideways to smile.
• You ask your doctor to implant a gig in your brain.
• You leave the modem speaker on after connecting because you think it sounds like the ocean wind...the perfect soundtrack for "surfing the net".
• You begin to wonder how on earth your service provider is allowed to call 200 hours per month "unlimited."
• You turn on your computer and turn off your wife/husband.
• Your partner says communication is important in a marriage...so you buy another computer and install a second phone line so the two of you can chat.
• As your car crashes through the guardrail on a mountain road, your first instinct is to search for the "back" button.